You'd think being 17 turning 18 would grant you a certain level of maturity over say a nine year old. Obviously not, or maybe just not in SR anyway. For all this talk about boys maturing later than girls, I'd rather handle boy immaturity as compared to girl immaturity any day of the week. Its shocking how girls can hold grudges over fucking insignificant issues. There's this girl who I've hung out with in this clique since school began last year. She's mad at me over some really stupid thing I said, that I completely forgot all about, ignoring me and making things all around awkward in my clique. Now anyone who knows me knows I run my mouth about absolutely everything and never ever mean to hurt anyone, unless of course they ask for it. Plus everyone knows I value pride over most things, so its not like I'm gonna apologise for being Clarissa any time soon. I was at Chris's 21st last night, and my two nine year old cousins, Joseph and Joel were behaving like that, not 'friending' the other for stealing water guns from one another. Like seriously, the resemblance to this is startling.

Being in SR really raised my tolerance for a lot of things, munjen music being one of them of course. I still cannot tahan it, especially when blasted out for everyone to hear. And if its not that it will be Hilary Duff or what, and all these idiots will start singing along. And force everyone else to listen too, but at least I've stopped insulting it so much, which really is a test of will power kinda thing if anything else.

I just can't wait to get out of this fucked up place. This country too. Give me intelligent conversation over who's hotter, Andy Lau or Jay Chou pleaseeeeee. If I could I'd start making friends with the minority Eurasians in school, if only I could tahan more than 10 minutes being around them. Thank God for Bitch or I'd have never survived this long in SR.

Ok fine, so being gracious and grateful are still virtues I have to cultivate. Show me someone else who's as open about their faults.

A father passing by his teenage daughter's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was neat and tidy.





Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the centre of the pillow. It was addressed "Dad". With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:-


Dear Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you, but I'm leaving home. I had to elope with my new boyfriend Randy because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.





I've been finding real passion with Randy and he is so nice to me. I know when you meet him you'll like him too - even with all his piercings, tattoos, and motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion Dad, I'm pregnant and Randy said that he wants me to have the kid and that we can be very happy together.


Even though Randy is much older than me (anyway, 42 isn't so old these days is it? ), and has no money, really these things shouldn't stand in the way of our relationship, don't you agree?


Randy has a great CD collection; he already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. It's true he has other girlfriends as well but I know he'll be faithful to me in his own way. He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too.


Randy taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and he'll be growing it for us and we'll trade it with our friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Randy can get better; he sure deserves it!!


Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.


Your loving daughter,
Rosie.



At the bottom of the page were the letters " PTO".

Hands still trembling, her father turned the sheet, and read:


PS:

Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbour's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk centre drawer. Please sign it and call when it is safe for me to come home.


I love you!

Your loving daughter

Me : Discerning, realistic.




You : Naive, ignorant.





Fine lines, NO gray areas.






Blow my own fucking trumpet I will. About time too.

Considering I blog like once a month, twice in a day is amazing no? I've just sat around the whole day, not doing much of anything. I've hardly ventured out of my room, except for water and the occasional futile rummaging through the fridge. In other words, I've had a lot of time to think about stuff. I've gone back to reading finally, and that's gonna be my new stress-kill from now on. Fab new author I've just discovered, Martina Cole. And in the afternoon tmr, after an entire morning of shopping with Mum, I'm really really gonna start hitting the books. As in JC books. Or lecture notes. Whatever, you get the point. For once I'm gonna be signed out of MSN, so people will finally stop talking to me when I'm not there. Yay go new Clarissa.

So we got back Malay results yesterday. Even though I totally was expecting having to re-take the damn thing all over again, I still had to be a total girl and burst into tears. Which was really horribly mortifying cause I just kept crying and crying and crying. In front of everyone. I just wanna apologise to everyone I snapped at. I know you were all just trying to comfort me, but I still went into major bitch mode. I'm really really sorry for that. I think I've got this total inability to feel happy for my friends. I wasn't crying yesterday because I failed, it was more like everyone else passed. And then there were all these people going 'I did damn badly I got a B only'. This girl from my class started screaming when she got back her Malay results, probably an A. And thats when the floodgates opened and never closed. 3 hours a week of malay. As if my timetable isn't terrible enough.

I think JC was the worst decision I ever made. The stress is crazy. The last few days I've had so many breakdowns I think my family's started to lose count. Not only that, everyone's been so nice and careful around me in case I burst into tears. Except Dad of course, who still thinks his daughter can achieve anything she wants. I'm so tempted to go get a withdrawal form, do the whole poly thing. Honestly I think I'm more suited for that. All the poly work I've been doing for my friends certainly proves it. I don't know how anyone else copes with it. Maybe I've just been this really stupid bimbo all along and never noticed it. I know everyone else doesn't think its a big deal, having to repeat malay again, but to me it is. I've never failed anything major before. I got a C6 at O's on my first attempt. I just can't help thinking that when everyone gets their results next March I'm still gonna be the girl in the corner crying her eyes out. I wish this would all just end. That someone would come take me away from all of it. Most of all I think I wish I didn't have so many damn issues.